I recently sent in an idea for a Google Doodle. Surprisingly, Google considered it (albeit for several seconds), and then ultimately declined. Looks like I’m going back to the drawing board…


From: Google Doodles <mail-noreply@google.com>
Date: Tuesday, November 15, 2011 1:13 PM
To: Patrick Mallon
Subject: Re: I thinks you’re gonna love-love my doodle

Mr. Mallon,

While we appreciate your interest in submitting a Google Doodle, we typically never accept submissions unless we are conducting a contest. Usually we would send you our standard response, but yours required special attention.

Firstly, Google is not a place for pornographic, scat, or sensual images. While our search engine is sometimes used to provide end users with results of that nature, Google Inc. does not celebrate these searches.

Secondly, your submission is confusing. You suggest that your image can be used for an array of commemorative occassions, but its individual components do not support a unified theme.

Thirdly, it is vile. Please do not send us any future submissions. Doing so can be viewed as indecent behavior that we at Google will not tolerate. Proper authorities will be notified if this becomes a trend.

However, again, we appreciate your enthusiasm and hope you continue to use our products.

Best Regards,

The Google Doodle Staff



From: Patrick Mallon
Date: Tuesday, November 8, 2011 10:22 PM
To: Google Doodles <doodle4google-usteam@google.com>
Subject: I thinks you’re gonna love-love my doodle

Hi Doodles Doods,

I am so excited about my Google Doodle and I think you are going to love it.

I think it would be a perfect tribute for the following dates or events:

      •Sexual awareness month
      •Some awesome guy’s birthday such as:
              ·Ron Jeremy
              ·Wilt Chamberlain
              ·Dave Navarro
      •Bill Clinton’s inauguration anniversary
      •Body part awareness
      •Valentine’s day
      •Mother’s day
      •Scat Porn (just in general)

Now, I know you need to know all of the nitty-gritty details about how I made it so you can add it to the about page. Well, I drew it with pen and pencil and then colored it in Photoshop. The great thing about Photoshop is that you can change it anyway you please. Here is the original (and preferred) doodle:



You’ll notice that the “G” is a butt, the “oo” is boobs, the “gl” is a cock and balls, and the “e” is a turd. Very nice. But if you would rather keep your original colors, here is a version you may like better:



I’m cool if you use either. I’ll leave the balls in your court, Google!

OK, guys. I’m out. If you want me to do more doodles in the future, just let me know.

High fives!

Patrick Mallon



23 thoughts on “Google, Y U no like my Doodle?

  1. ha ha ha ha
    Mother’s day?
    ha ha ha

  2. bonzoWhale says:

    This is basically the best thing I have seen, ever.

  3. deb says:

    omg…I so love your sense of humor and can not understand Google…they must have their minds in the gutter or something…go figure

  4. bungle says:

    “I’ll leave the balls in your court, Google!”


  5. If they won’t do it for us, we need to do it ourselves. Who out there can make us a Greasemonkey script that substitutes the regular Google logo with this one?

  6. Just had to chip in and say I agree with the others – this is probably the funniest things I’ve ever seen on the interwebs.

    +1 for the Greasemonkey script idea.

  7. jimbo says:

    wow, I can’t believe they spent the time to write such an awesome rejection letter! that’s great. so full of love!

  8. […] I’m just gonna drop off this Jay & Dub (which is a true story) and then send you over to this blog post of his (NSFW), where you can take a look at basically the greatest thing I have ever seen on the internet. […]

  9. mkn says:

    “its individual components do not support a unified theme”

    What a polite analysis about the problems of the submitted image. They certainly have had some good time with it :)

  10. ron says:

    They could have used it if they decided ever to make an adult search engine.

  11. Brian M. says:

    bravo Pat, may be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

  12. woah says:

    made my day :-D

  13. Thor says:

    Hahaha! I coudn’t stop laughting! :D
    Thank you for the joy and the love.

  14. (…) Google is not a place for pornographic, scat, or sensual images. While our search engine is sometimes used to provide end users with results of that nature (…)

    Bwahahaha, they’re serious? ^^

  15. Sexy says:

    Ahahahahahah… this doodle is so beautiful! I love i!
    How can I use it?

  16. Colin says:

    You are a terrible, terrible human being. Lol.

  17. EpicAssDude says:

    WTF srsly? i look up porn on google images all the time XD

    they may not “celebrate” it, but i do! this is another reason why i love google! \(>0<)/

  18. a says:

    The penis roxx

  19. PORN BOOB says:

    Lov the penis and balls

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